Andy and Amy’s Haunted House


– EVERY OCTOBER WE SEND
OUR WRITER AMY THROUGH A HAUNTED HOUSE, BUT THIS YEAR WE DECIDED NOT
TO MAKE HER DO IT ALONE. I SENT MY BRAVE EXECUTIVE,
ANDY– ANDY LASSNER–
WITH HER, AND ANDY, I SAID,
“YOU’RE GONNA DO IT”– WE SURPRISED HIM AND SAID, “AS SOON AS THE SHOW’S OVER,
YOU’RE GOING,” AND HE REALLY DIDN’T BELIEVE US, BUT HE AND AMY WENT
TO UNIVERSAL STUDIOS’ HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS, AND–OH, MY GOD, THIS IS ONE
OF MY FAVORITE THINGS I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. [eerie music] – JUST GO.
[screams] JUST DO IT.
JUST SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY. HOLLYWOOD.
SAY IT. JUST SAY IT. – I GOT IT– HI, WE’RE AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS’ HOLLYWOOD HALLOWEEN
HORROR NIGHTS, AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GO THROUGH
“THE WALKING DEAD” MAZE. ARE YOU READY, ANDY?
– I’M GOOD. [both scream] – ANDY’S [bleep].
– LET’S GO. – WAIT. WE KNOW THERE’S SOMETHING.
WE KNOW THEY’RE COMING. – I SEE THIS,
SO THIS ISN’T SCARY. – OH, THEY’RE SCARY. – OKAY.
HONEY… OKAY, THIS–IS IT ALL OUTSIDE? – NO, NO, NO.
PROBABLY NOT. LOOK AT–
– I CAN’T. – [screams] DON’T SHOVE ME IN FRONT OF–
DON’T– – IT’S THE SUDDEN… – THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT. – OKAY, HI.
OH. YOU’RE NICE. [both scream] OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
WE’RE GOING. OKAY.
OH, MY GOD, THEY’RE WEIRD. OH, NO.
OKAY. – [screams] – IT’S SO STRANGE.
OKAY, I SEE YOU. I SEE YOU.
OKAY. – WE’RE GOOD. THERE’S ONE IN HERE. – I SEE IT. – THIS IS NOT GOOD.
– THIS IS FINE. – OKAY, WE’RE GOOD.
– OH, THERE’S MORE LIKE THIS. – OH. – THAT’S NOT REAL. – THAT’S WHERE I GOT MY– [both scream] – [bleep]! ARE YOU [bleep] KIDDING ME? LET’S…
– [moaning] HE’S GONNA COME BACK. HE’LL COME BACK.
HE’LL COME BACK. – [screams]
STOP IT! [bleep]! THIS STARTS. – WHY ARE YOU HIDING BEHIND ME? YOU’RE A MAN.
BE A MAN. BE A MAN. – JUST LET ME HOLD.
I’M NOT– I AM A MAN,
AND I’M GONNA HOLD YOU. – THEY’RE SOMEBODY IN HERE. – NO, HE’S GOOD. – [screams]
– WHAT? – [screaming] – STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! OKAY, LET’S JUST GO.
LET’S JUST GO. [both scream] – OKAY. ANDY, GO.
JUST GO. JUST WALK. JUST WALK.
JUST WALK. WE’RE GOOD.
– OKAY, GOOD. JUST QUICK.
WE’RE ALMOST DONE. [both scream] NOT YOU! ARE WE ALMOST DONE? – IS THERE SOMEBODY REAL
IN HERE? – THERE’S NO ONE REAL.
– OKAY. SOMETHING BAD– [both scream] – STOP IT!
STOP IT NOW! – [moans] – OKAY.
– WE’RE GOOD. [both scream] – ARE WE DONE?
IS THIS DONE, ALMOST? – OH, MY GOD. [both scream] – RELAX.
WE’RE GOOD. – STOP IT. [both scream] OH, JUST STOP IT NOW! – ANDY, DON’T– OKAY.
THERE’S DEFINITELY– – OKAY. I SEE IT.
OH, YOU. HI. [both scream] NO!
YOU [bleep] KIDDING ME? – THAT WAS NOT–
WE’RE GOOD. IT’S A TRAIL– DID WE GO THE WRONG– [both scream] STOP IT NOW! IS THIS A WRONG WAY? – OH, WE’RE GOOD.
– OKAY. STUPID. IT’S FINISHED.
WE’RE GOOD. – YOU DID GOOD, ANDY.
I’M PROUD OF YOU. – YOU DID TOO.
– YOU DID GOOD. – WHY DO PEOPLE PAY FOR THAT?
OKAY. HAPPY, ELLEN?
[laughs mockingly] [cheers and applause] – [chuckling] OH… YOU LITERALLY–
YOU HID BEHIND A GIRL. YOU ACTUALLY–
“STOP IT. STOP IT NOW.” [laughter] THANK YOU FOR STARTING
A NEW TRADITION. WE’RE GONNA SEND BOTH OF YOU
THROUGH THE HAUNTED HOUSE EVERY YEAR NOW. [cheers and applause] WE’LL BE BACK WITH
LADY ANTEBELLUM AFTER THIS.

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