How To Deal With Shame And Guilt

Hello and welcome to SHE TV, the place to
become powerfully feminine from the inside out I am Candice Oneida, and we are
live streaming today to youtube and we are talking about this important topic
around how to deal with guilt and shame so as we’re waiting for you to turn up
to this livestream I am going to grab myself some tea in the Queen Bhima which
is always at present a mainline tea pretty much frequently in this house
it’s a tea in the Queen B mug if you turning up say hello let me know you’re
there you can chat in the chat stream there it said love you to say hello
where you’re signing in from today Rhonda and my daughter’s just broke
literally as I took them all so I’ve got one glasses with one side hello good
morning black cat literally my glasses I’ve got one yeah I think I need new
glasses I think we can agree on that and I lost another pair last week good
morning good morning come on in and lonely Lily pen welcome o Yanna
Chaudhary welcome come on in beautiful to see you today so we’ll just grab
yourself some tea we can share tea together while we discuss this important
topic about dealing with guilt and shame and the reason why it’s such an
important topic is because we all encounter this we all encounter shame
and guilt and I want to talk to you about it with regard to feminine power
today and how in fact I’m going to talk a bit about brené Brown work she’s done
such beautiful work on vulnerability and she talks a lot about guilt shame
humiliation those kind of things and I want to draw some important distinctions
for you today around these topics okay so grabbing yourself some tea saying
hello good morning welcome good morning for me hello Phoenix hello case hello
from Greece beautiful calling in from Greece
lady Tasha hello I love your videos thank you dear black cat from Bahrain
thank you love your channel thank you so much tears from Iran ariana from India
lady Tasha from Ithaca New York beautiful thank you ladies so I wanted
today what I do is um I’m getting used to doing this live streaming for you I’m
going to talk first and then I’m going to ask your questions at the end just so
that I’m not getting I can easily get distracted by wanting to answer your
questions on route so what I’ll do is I’ll ask questions at certain stages and
then I’ll get you to share at those points okay so if you have questions
save them up so that I can see them all at one point if you’re watching this as
a recording put your comments and questions below because that’s where I’m
going to be able to see them and I’m gonna be able to respond to them okay so
let’s start here so today we’re talking about guilt and shame and my inspiration
really here is this work on vulnerability from brené Brown and you
cannot ignore guilt and shame it happens to all of us it’s something that we need
to understand that there’s a differential here so I’m not sure how
familiar you are with my work but one of the core models in the powerfully
feminine work is this concept of the feminine archetypes and that there’s a
very big difference between the false feminine and the true feminine okay the
false feminine is that of the maid in the princess and the true feminine is
that of the Queen and the priestess now I’ll put a link here above about there’s
a whole video I’ve made on that and you can actually take a little quiz that
I’ve created to find out what your archetype is yeah so I encourage you to
do that now why does it matter that we discuss this topic of shame and guilt
well it matters because they’re quite different actually and this distinction
I think you’re going to find powerful and important
so when Renee Brown talks about shame makes this distinction where when you
feel shame just say you’ve done something wrong okay
so I’ve gone to the I’ve gone to the store and I’ve gone to pay for something
and what’s happened is my cards rejected I don’t know if you’ve ever had that
experience I know I have and I immediately felt shame right and yet
it’s just something that happens okay but it triggered something in me and it
triggered a shame response so um let me give you another example so I’ve made a
promise to a friend that I forgot okay and they call me on it it’s like ah I
can have one of two responses I can have a shame response or a guilt response and
the shame response is I am a bad person I am bad guilt is an admission that
you’ve done something wrong you’ve done something bad and this distinction is so
powerful I just really want to emphasize this for you that you can actually train
yourself from shame toward guilt and accepting when you’ve made mistakes and
that gives you an opportunity to make amends then right now the reason why I’m
passing this to you is shame is a false feminine response and guilt is an
empowered response from the Queen where she can say I made a mistake I’m really
sorry for that I know I promised you this I will make it up to you okay
shame is I am a mistake okay so I hope that distinction is would start whew okay so the next thing I want to talk of
actually let’s just say let’s just take a little phase of questions before I
continue I want to see if that that distinction is clear and I’m having to
hold my glasses because they decide to crap out on me and the very last minute beautiful so if you have questions I get
a little bit of a delay so please just put your questions in the stream and
I’ll be able to respond to you live shaming guilt
let’s keep the questions focused okay because some last week I did live stream
and you questions if they go off-topic I won’t be able to answer them today if
they’re on topic I’ll try to answer them today okay they’re off topic I will make
a note of them sometimes it can become the very body of another video or
another talk with you okay so how many questions about shame and guilt the
definitions there then please put a question in for me okay all right I’m
gonna continue whilst I’m waiting oh I think I’m getting a question very clear
my queen thank you it’s the distinction perfectly help me to delineate between
these two meanings it’s important right it’s important because we make mistakes
we’re human we screw up to earth is to be human okay but making that turning
that into a trigger a shame trigger is another thing altogether so the next
thing I really want to talk about is what Renee Brown calls shame gremlins
okay and I love this and some of you may be too young to even know what gremlins
are but there was this film in the 80s with these things called gremlins and
the gremlins would just reproduce and they reproduce in the dark and if you
shine the Sun light on them or the light on them they die this is a really really
cool metaphor here because of how to deal with shame okay and this is really
what I’m going to talk about now is then okay if I’m getting triggered by shame
if I got a shame spiral because I know that for myself I used to do this thing
right go into a shame spiral and it’s not spiraling anywhere good it’s
spiraling downwards it’s so what’s your shame spiral and
what are your shame gremlins now this is important because you get to know your
triggers okay and there’s a big difference between the trigger of I am
bad and I did something bad right and then when you learn your triggers then
we can talk about an empowered way to deal with it from the level of the Queen
okay it’s a shame also like a gremlin survives only in the dark when you hide
when you don’t speak and when you don’t share when we’re alone what we want to
do is we want to expose shame to the light and that seems pretty
counterintuitive when we’re in it because we’re in shame we want to hide
we want to please our that was so bad I’m such a bad person
right and yet you know nece survives when we perpetuate the thoughts and we
operate the separation and the aloneness okay so I gave you a shame gremlin one
of the shame gremlins for me before was you know had a face and I was going
through the bankruptcy and all that that sometimes I bring out my debit card
didn’t have any credit cards because I’ve gone through a bankruptcies I
didn’t have any credit but I run out my debit card to pay for my groceries
groceries and I wasn’t sure if it would go through and even just that not know
if it was going to go through was really really trying for me it’s really really
I felt so I mean the whole process of the bankruptcy made me elicited so much
shame for me I didn’t want anybody to know for a long time only about five
people knew about that in my life and then I realized actually I need to start
talking about it and I started talking about it quite publicly as in my public
talks and my public events and now I can talk about it with from an empowered
place and I know that my story can encourage other people to recover and
also of course my recovery was a recovery into the feminine um another
shame trigger I have for example is that I’m a I don’t believe I’m a good writer
so I’m a way better speaker an orator I speak a lot more
really and succinctly and cleanly than I right now that’s maybe crazy to some you
know to you you like you might go oh well like I organize my thoughts way
better on paper I organize my thoughts way better when I’m speaking and I
actually and way better when I’m live when I’m actually speaking to you life
and so I’ve noticed it’s about myself but I have a sham trigger in writing so
I’m signed to write a script or I’m starting to write something on the blog
or some copy and I can frequently just go oh I’m such a bad writer okay that’s
what I’ll that’s a go-to and so I’m gonna let’s go on good because I want to
ask your questions and then I’m going to give you the solutions here okay all
righty so for example I’m gonna ask you some questions now and if you’re willing
to share them in the stream or below you’re very very welcome to now have you
ever have you ever had a credit card or a debit card rejected and for me same
response have you ever yelled at your kids in
public that could be ashame trigger have you ever lost control or lost your cool
with somebody and then felt really bad about it afterwards that could be a shin
trigger are you ashamed about your sexuality your desire or your sexual
needs this could be a very deep hidden shame trigger now you should feel shame
about your body or about any part of your body now on these last few just be
clear this is huge for women huge humongous ashame triggers our own body
love body awareness body confidence sexuality sensuality huge triggers and
let’s be super super clear there is a billion dollar industry that is intent
on keeping you that way keeping you feeling this shame around the body
sexuality sensuality and feminine power because those things are huge pieces of
your feminine power and your queen okay so I’m wondering if you just take a
moment right now to reflect on what some of
shame triggers might be so you might want to write them down for yourself or
if you’re really super brave and willing you might want to share them with us on
the stream or in the comments below so somebody asked me here so be saying I’ve
been in a relationship with an old old merry man who was 33 years older to me
and feel shamed about how to overcome this I’ve it’s been 2 years now that
you’ve parted your ways but I still feel bad ok so so this is an example of and
by the way I had an affair with a married man once and I didn’t feel good
about it afterwards either yeah and so there’s an ability to have a
critical awareness a critical evaluation of your actions and say okay I did this
thing I would didn’t feel good about it he was married it was older for whatever
reason I feel shame about that but I can make amends to myself I can make amends
and say I don’t want to do that again and that wasn’t the best choice and
that’s very very different to saying I am such a bad person I’m a terrible
person you know I need 250 lashes for doing
this right that’s going to keep you down and as you’re saying Wendy it’s 2 years
on and you’re still not forgiving yourself and I want to add I don’t know
who else you shared that with but in sharing it with us today that’s very
very brave it’s very courageous and this is one of the great paths out of shame
is the courage to speak up okay so this is a good start like Kat 138 says yes my
credit card was rejected once but I had reasons the pickups for my face was
saved okay um we have iris Grimmauld hello here from Spain I have problems
with this because I’m always feeling shy whoa whatever thing it’s crazy okay so
you could trigger by shame a lot so one of the things to do
iris is to start to see what those individual triggers are because that’s
going to help as you learn to start to speak it out
I have a lot of shame around Lily’s as I have a lot of shame around money I feel
I didn’t get a good education around money and I’ve shown to help get help
because someone will know how ignorant I am not necessarily see there’s a whole
belief there there’s a lot of belief in that that people will reject you and
that’s not actually necessarily true and if you don’t know something you don’t
know something so this is an opportunity to be open and vulnerable truthful okay
an iris of st. shames because of low self esteem yeah yeah well how do we
improve self esteem well stick around here because so the low self esteem is
the product of the false feminine and things that you’ve been taught and
conditionings and the like and you can actually learn self esteem you can self
esteem means self love self respect self care there’s a lot of things that come
with self esteem and they are learned skills you can learn to love yourself
again you can learn to be humble you can learn to be gentle with yourself okay so
I hear that there’s a lot of hardness on yourself there so you need to be gentle
dear okay I’m getting some questions that are not on topic so if you can stay
on topic I will answer the topic questions around guilt and shame
maybe pain I sometimes feel shamed for not being in relationship with someone I
don’t mind being single but I’m surrounded by married couples and
couples I’ve been single with for a while well that’s funny isn’t it because
that’s um that’s very much an internal response isn’t it that you believe that
there’s something wrong with you for being single I was single for many years
until I met my my current partner and I didn’t feel ashamed about it but it was
hard it’s just hard when people are coupled around you so we see how you can
actually reframe that that oh um I feel bad this shame here now look in the five
core feminine that I teach in a training I called the
powerfully feminine intensive I teach a lot about desire and the art of desire
is the third of the five feminine arts it’s so important desire is important
here actually because when you don’t actually own what you want you don’t own
your desire then you are beholden to conditioned desires beliefs whether they
yours or other people and when you actually dive into your desire and dive
into what you want then what happens is you’re able then to start of express
what you want as a desire as a wanting oh well I actually really want a partner
that’s something that I want rather than I feel shame for being single you see
there’s a difference there all right so what I want to teach you now is this
how to have what brené Brown calls shame resilience and it’s a beautiful concept
it means resilience to shame and it’s because we all experience shame you know
if you’ve got a heart if you’re sensitive if you’re an open person
you’re going to get triggered okay and we’re we know we’ve in shame we’ve
fallen into the false feminine we’ve fallen into the princess of the maid so
how do people with shame resilience respond to shame so the very first one
is that you know what your shame triggers are and you know what triggered
it okay so you know what your shame triggers are the shame gremlins right
and you know what triggered it okay so this is why I’m asking you to go to a
little bit of an inner search as to what it might be triggers that take me into
shame okay the second thing that people with shame resilience have is that they
have an ability to reality check okay around the expectations or the messages
that come with the shame okay they can reality check so they can go oh I made a
mistake I had an error of judgment what can I do with that rather than
going into oh I’m such a bad mean forgetful careless person very very
different reality check okay what actually has happened where are we at
what’s going on what can I do about it yep the third thing that people do that
have shame resilience is that they reach out and they tell their story okay they
reach out they come out of their habit of hiding of withdrawing of sinking or
slumping in defeat or slumping into the shame and they have the courage to speak
it out and to reach out to ask for help perhaps reach out ask for help and then
the fourth one is that they speak out the shame they speak out the shame
gremlins now an important caveat here and again this is part of Brenna Browns
teachings is you only speak deep vulnerable things to people who have
earned the right to hear your story okay now what this means is that they you’ve
burnt your trust you’ve spoken to them over time you know each other and you
might even have language and agreements and communication accountability around
something like this if you’re really slumping in shame you need to find
people in your life who you can talk it out to now empowered communication in
friendship and in relationships is not the topic of this conversation today but
it’s important because the last thing you need is someone going into sympathy
rather than empathy for you and empathy is another whole talk I’d like to do
I’ll probably do that next week how to be empathetic and how to be an
empathetic friend and how to actually engage empathy for yourself okay self
empathy and how to be empathetic and it’s very different because you’re not
trying to be their coach their counsellor and you’re definitely not
making feeling sorry for them okay so know these people that you can say
difficult painful shameful things in an empowered way where you know that
they’ll go war I’m with your sister I hear you okay now there’s different
ways you can actually have individuals that you know you do this with whether
it’s friends or family members that you trust or communities that have empowered
communication in place the powerfully feminine sisterhood has these things in
place that’s why my groups are private they’re very seal there’s a very safe
held container there’s modes of communication that are put in place for
people to make sure that they are very clear on how to communicate in a powered
way and how the community responds to you in an empowered way that supports
you supports you to come into the light so a community or a friend or a family
member who you trust acts like the sunlight or the light on the gremlin
right I know that for myself sometimes just saying it takes 90 percent of the
charge out of it ninety percent of the heaviness or the weight out of it and I
can actually start to get a bit more perspective in those moments okay all
right so any questions so far you’ve got these four ways to have shame resilience
what questions do we have ah Arianna Chaudhary I feel shameful that I
don’t have a present father and I feel like I don’t have complete family like
others how can I work on this well again Arianna there’s there’s some assumptions
there that everybody has some sort of perfect hallmark
Hollywood looking family they don’t trust me I’ve been a therapist for over
20 years and I can promise you that most people do not have that at their family
level and so what you can seek instead is community and support sisterhood
friendship things that you create family I’ve done that for myself my spiritual
community my inner circle of friends they are my blood family they’re more
blood than my blood family right and you know my spiritual teacher used
to always say to me that really the pathway of humanity is away from the
ties of blood toward the ties of the heart and so find some ties at the heart
that make you feel family seaman a says I feel shame often
I experienced a lot of childhood trauma negligence isolation and abandonment
from a narcissistic parent I’m a lawyer and still struggle to no self value
because of shame I hear you dear yeah I just want you to
know that you’re not alone okay and that we’re here for you you have people that
can hear your story of course with all of that in place that can’t be resolved
in one small conversation or a little pep talk from me that’s not going to
work it probably needs a series of either
very well held therapy and support in that sense of having a professional help
you to untie these foundations of trauma okay
narcissistic parenting is very very painful okay so I want you to know that
you’re not alone and these things can be resolved but they can’t be resolved on
your own you know the needs community support that knows how to support those
things or therapeutic professional support okay black care 138 says I used
to be ashamed of my femininity people but because of your channel I’m more
comfortable with my body and every day I try to enhance an experience with makeup
and dresses well that’s great black cat 138 but just as a reminder an essential
reminder about my channel at least is the reason why she TV is set up for us
to talk about what it means to be feminine from the inside out is that
it’s the inner peace whether it’s your relationship to your
heart or your womb or your pussy and your sexuality or it’s a relationship to
your body and your innate beauty and you’ll love your ability to love and
here your sensitivity your sensuality these are things that are inner pieces
and in my view experience and you know having worked with women for over 20
years this is more important than any makeup
or clothing you wear I’ve spent my whole life being a people watcher I love
watching people are fascinated by human consciousness and I’ve always been
fascinated by those that love themselves that they shine something from the
inside out they shine this radiance this light this presence right and I don’t
even notice what they’re looking like or what they’re wearing that doesn’t matter
to me what I notice is the human heart I notice when somebody feels connected I
notice when somebody is confident and walking around in their body and if
you’re not any of those things that’s my whole mission is to show you how to do
that and I do a certain amount here in YouTube but I go super super super deep
in my private work with my private programs and in my private sisterhood
it’s okay because there’s things that I can’t do on here I’ll go do a lot of
work on sexuality sensuality embodiment stuff that I only do in my private work
for obvious reasons okay all right so just as we’re finishing up here today
another thing I’d like you to notice what happens when shame is triggered now
this is important really important and I know this is our final piece here today
but I want you to notice what physical symptoms you get when shame is triggered
for example crying feeling small shrinking you can’t make eye contact
with anybody you’ll feel bad you may have a dry mouth you may get
tingling in some parts of your body or your
energy now I want you to start to notice that when you get triggered now this is
not a small thing because noticing sensations in the body
as a woman especially is your first path to transforming yourself from the false
feminine back into the true feminine it’s actually a path of compassion as
soon as you acknowledge that you are feeling certain sensations in your body
you can then breathe and you can start to feel compassion for your own
experience and then you can do one of those other things for shown resilience
you can reach out you can make a phone call to somebody if you’re on the
Facebook community like mine the private community you can reach out and say hey
I’ve got all these sensations I’ve done something I feel bad I’m just needing to
be heard and seen right now okay now what’s interesting to know about when we
are triggered in shame and all of those physical symptoms that happen to us is
they are symptoms of trauma okay so trauma symptoms are elicited
when we feel check for shame and trauma is a big deal okay and so again I want
you to understand that when you feel these symptoms in your body and the
trauma is elicited I want you to try to have a little bit of compassion for
yourself some self-love some acknowledgement of your humanity that
you’ve made a mistake and breathe well if you just breathe
ten times after for noticing the sensations in your body basically who
experience shame as trauma okay and when we’re in shame you see we basically
believe that we’re unworthy of connection were unworthy of love around
the worthy of belonging and in fact all of those things are exactly what we need
and we need to reach out to in order to get ourselves back to ourselves so then
if you notice this but when I get it shame triggered I kind of withdraw and I
lose myself I kind of I’m not really myself and there’s some belief in that
that if I just withdraw for a day I’ll recover myself and then I can come out
confidently again but that’s really lacks vulnerability and actually when
we’re in shame we are vulnerable we’re very very
vulnerable but when we’re vulnerable we’re also we have an ability to open
and when we have an ability to open we have an ability to receive and when we
open that’s actually when all programming can completely change and
yes I understand what I’m talking about here is a pathway of real courage very
true and real courage but as Einstein always said okay if you continue to do
the same thing again and again expect a different result this is defined as
insanity so if we don’t wanna be insane anymore then we have to do something
different so I’m giving you some ideas today about how to change the shame
spiral from being one that spirals downwards so maybe that one that
actually spirals you upwards toward your queen a true feminine alright okay I’m just having like a questions um a woman here says how do I not feel
ashamed of my sexuality at age 20 oh my dear it’s a very good question and I do
encourage you if you’re new to the channel there’s a lot of information
here about how to feel confident in your body how to understand that as a woman
our sexuality and our sexual energy is really core sentence central excuse me
to us as a woman and in fact my entire work of the powerfully feminine work is
to show women how to plug in and that means plug into your sexual energy in
your sexual power power source right so you plug into that outlet and what that
does is it turns you on turns you on brightly like turn on doesn’t
necessarily just mean sexual turn on but it turns something on inside you turns
the life on inside you makes you feel alive okay excuse me and then when we’ve
done that then we fill up we fill up on life force we fill up on the enthusiasm
and joy and richness and it’s from this full to overflowing standpoint of
experience of ourselves that we can then give and serve other people right so
while I’m saying here is that doesn’t happen until you plug into your
sexuality your sexuality is your body right it’s your divine right to love
adore and experience your sexuality is beautiful rich powerful a beautiful way
to share with somebody right and it’s an incredible way to love somebody through
your sexuality okay so I hope that’s a good start for you there Madhu okay so
hello meme says some of her experiences are that she uh she cries he has no cut
I contact and feel small etc yeah yeah absolutely beautiful so iris says the problem is that under M
perfectionist and I cannot forget that I wanted to say something or that you
something injuring to someone I’m not able to forget okay so yeah I mean the
the myth of perfection is well they need to talk to you about okay if you believe
that everything has to be done perfectly and in a way the thing about the myth of
perfection is it’s just a control mechanism it’s one of the ways that we
control things is creating this belief about it
this conversation needs to go this perfect way or I should have done that
better ah that is just you being very very hard
and judgmental with yourself there’s no such thing as perfection in fact anyway
perfection is some sort of line – it’s kind of boring crinkly concept of
perfection the feminine is about evolution it’s about flow things change
and things move and I can promise you in communication and dialogue with human
beings you are never ever ever in control of how they will respond to what
you say what you ask what what how your desires land on them now if you come
from a standpoint of intending you know to be clean with your communication and
communicating clearly and that nothing you’re doing is intending to hurt
anybody and they still get hurt and triggered honey that’s not your
responsibility okay now when you’ve become a queen when you step into the
true feminine you learn to be able to deal with other people’s triggers in an
empowered way in that oh that’s interesting I just said something that
triggered them now you might need to apologize for the way you said something
but if you really didn’t intend to do that
then you’re not a bad person okay and if it’s a person who you have strong
communication with see okay maybe we can start then again okay there’s a lot to
talk about disregarding the communication but we’re not going to
continue there today too much okay I hope that helps a little bit okay good good my ladies what we want to
do here is I want to keep these a little bit more snappy and short so that I can
do them more frequently if they go too long then it’s a lot of your time it’s a
lot of my time so I wanted to give you some outline as to shame and guilt today
and that there’s a distinction between them and essentially what I said is
shame is the realm of the false feminine of the maid in the princess and shame is
I am bad I am wrong I am unworthy is what’s behind that and guilt he’s
actually a stepping into the true feminine you step up and you go oh I did
something wrong and when you acknowledge that you have the ability to make amends
to somebody or something when you’ve done something wrong and then you can
move on and learn from the experience really really important so it’s been an
absolute joy and delight to be with you here today
I’m enjoying doing these live streams and I will enjoy to do more with you if
you have any further questions after the live stream please put them in the
comments below because I will try to answer your questions in the comments
and sometimes a comment or a question elicits in the entire topic for me so
please feel free to do that in e to any way anytime and as we’re finishing up
here today if you liked the video of course give me a thumbs up or a thumbs
down I don’t really care engage I love your engagement and I don’t mind being
challenged on the topics that I bring and I look I see feminine power in a
very particular way so please just you know have an engage with me I love it
and remember it’s called premise of this work remember when you have the courage
to go out there and shine you give others permission to do the same so
let’s all go out there and shine this week bye bye for now

17 thoughts on “How To Deal With Shame And Guilt

  1. lovely video! i'm looking forward to your video on empathy! it's such an important subject that needs extra care and attention.

  2. Dear Candice, thank you so much for your video. I first thought that this is not very important for me and I even thought that there was not much relevant things being shared. I apologize. Because today on an occasion I actually applied viewing the issue with both guilt and shame lenses and I realized how much I am bound by shame and how liberating it is to view it as guilt. It really becomes just a mistake (especially if you have good intentions). Wonderful. Instead of trying to pull yourself out of the swamp by your own hair (with the consequence of drowning and loosing hair) you accept guilt's hand stretched out to you and leave the mud dirty and humble, but with grace :))))

  3. I have been following you for a while and I love your videos :).
    I will start a 30 days 10 minutes everyday meditation challenge the 1st of May where I also will go live everyday. LET ME KNOW IF WANT TO JOINT :P! INSTRUCTIONS ON MY CHANNEL!
    Thanks for your amazing videos!

  4. I just watched this video. Very interesting the difference between shame and quilt / princess and queen attitude. Thank you so much for giving such a huge amount of important information for all the women on earth who have access to youtube! Amazing!! I shared some of your video to friends. I appreciate all your effort, time and passion about women empowerment!! So awesome!

  5. ❤ CLICK here to get your FREE copy of The Feminine Archetypes Blueprint. Go to: ❤ JOIN the ongoing conversation on my brand new FREE facebook group:

  6. Candice, thank you so much for bringing this video. You are a heaven-sent angel. Nearly two years ago, I met a covert narcissist. He was very charming but was all fake and lies. He discarded me on my birthday. It was a sudden discard. I had a hard time getting over him. So I called and told him about my feelings even though my intuition was screaming NO. Over the phone he rejected and humiliated me very badly. Before hanging up, he hinted that he answered that phone call in front of a bunch of people! Later when I connected the dots, I realized he had an agenda to destroy me. I had been suffering from anxiety and shame ever since. I burst into tears when you said "have compassion for the experience". Your video frees me from the shame of falling for a narcissist. I made a desperate mistake because I was desperate for love and wanted someone to be close to. Now I forgive and have compassion for that "me" 🙂

  7. As i listened to this video i had an epiphany about selfesteem .i didnt even know what self esteem was up till this now when i heard miss Candice explanation and it hit me and touched my femenine consciousness.this is the second time when i received an answer for myself by listening to your videos.The first time was about selfcompassion.I love your authenticity and expression of insight and thank you so much for being you!i felt it was real coming from a place of power.a powerful message for me!thank you!looking forward to hear more!

  8. Wow Candice, what you brought here is so so true, .
    I am going through a hard time. My mother has issues with me, in such issues where I can do nothing about, so she kind of hates me.
    On the other hand I lost a friend, who was my best friend cum boyfriend, he is with now someone else, these actually had dipped me in disappointment, and I always hear that I am not normal. .
    I was at first trying to help themselves because they themselves are frustrated in their life, as I knew deeply that if they are not happy, I'm not happy, but simultaneously hearing that I am not normal, and not being accepted or love, I feel shameful sometimes, and I doubt my acceptibility sometime.
    I cannot chose anyone to share my stories, therefore I chose you Candice,
    I don't have any friends, Because I don't find anyone who understands me, I don't feel the closure with anyone. .

  9. You look awesome!
    I love your videos. You are a big contribution to my inner growth. Thank you 🙏 🌹

  10. I remember I treated so bad a seals woman… Oh gosh… I felt so bad inside… I went back to look for her and apologize…
    She was really slow, and I was basically loosing my patience… I wasn't enough present to realise that, but it came up after some minute…
    Eckhart Tolle calls that "the pain body"…
    That moment, the pain body awakened, and sucked me into it…
    The important thing is that eaven if after, but I saw it…

  11. This is extremely hard for me. I only know shame, in my whole life. It's the most automatic and spontaneous reaction I have to literally every little small thing in life, like making an omelette that's too salty. I live in shame 24/7 and can't get out..

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