Passive Aggressive? Know it, Deal with it. HeathMD


– Hi, I’m Dr. Heath. I’m a psychoanalyst and today’s
episode is brought to you by the letter P for passive aggressive. What’s that, you ask? This is something people do
without even realizing it. Instead of asking for what they want, they have these irritating
ways of trying to get you to do what they want
without even realizing it. Here, let’s see an example. I’m going to ask Cleo if
she can take out the trash. Hey Cleo, can you take out the trash? – Sure, let me just finish this page. – See what happened just there. It won’t be just one page. Sure, it’s passive, but what’s
so aggressive about that? See actually, it’s like she’s saying this. – Look, I don’t want to take
out the trash, whatever. – But it’s so much nicer when
she just sweetly keeps saying, in a minute. So what happens to the aggressive part of passive aggressive? That’s the interesting part. There’s a strange thing that
happens where the anger part of it passed over to the other person. And it’s all unconscious. So instead of Cleo getting
angry about me asking her to do something, she
passes the anger off to me. Cleo, why haven’t you
taken out the trash yet? – Wait, just let me finish this chapter. I’ll be done in a minute. Don’t you want me to learn something? – Argh. But she’s reading, maybe
even learning something. Who am I to interrupt that? Here’s the antidote. If I can notice that I’m getting angry, maybe I can see that she’s
trying to tell me something. Oh, I can see it as a communication. I can ask myself, why am I so angry? Then I have a chance of
changing the situation. What if I acknowledge
that taking out the trash really stinks, and I
appreciate her for doing it. This also bridges the gap between us. Cleo, I know you don’t
want to take out the trash, but I really need for you
to take it out right now. It would really mean a lot to me. – Oh, you mean right now? – Ooh, yeah. – Oh, okay, sure. – So that’s what we call
passive aggressiveness. Join me Thursday, seven central, while I make more explorations
into the world of our mind. And consider contributing. I’ve got a Patreon page, the
link is to the left here. Thank you, see you next time. (Egyptian music)

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